Boxes

I have found that having twins of the same gender elicits pre-conceptions among strangers.  There are two types of reactions:  1)  Are they identical?  2)  Are their personalities really different?  Would it be that life was so black and white.  Number one, they are not identical and to my eye, they don’t even look that much alike.  I’ve remedied this by only cutting one of the twin’s hair.  Believe it or not, I think the hair is what was making people think that they were identical.  Now I’m getting, “Wow, they don’t look much alike.” 

Yes, the twin experience is different than being a singleton, but the way this affects their personalities is up for debate.  They did share a womb and are almost always together so this does affect how they perceive and interact with the world (nurture).  But, biologically, they are the same as any two brothers (nature).  When they are young, it is difficult to keep their identities separate and distinct and most of us probably fall into the trap of lumping them together with terms such as “the boys” or “the twins” or in my case, “the monsters” … I say this in the most loving manner possible (wink, wink).

As far as the labeling of personalities, instead of putting them in boxes with tidy labels such as “spirited” or “mellow,” it’s more an ebb and flow of personality and moods.  One moment, one of them will be throwing a fit while the other flits around amusing himself; the next moment, the roles will have switched.  Some of the so-called personality traits can last for quite a while.  For almost the first two years of his life, Dane was the independent one, rarely needy or craving affection.  Logan was the cuddly bear, always in your lap, wanting to be held and kissed.  Now Dane has become “the sweet one.”  He’s constantly at my side or on my lap.  In fact, mommy’s lap has become a stand-in booster chair as he takes every meal there.  Gotta break that habit!

There is also the syndrome known as “I will one-up my brother.”  Yes, the competition starts early and it not only shows itself in the quest for attention, but also “who can be the most daring, the most destructive, etc.”  This is evident after Dane and Logan nap.  Their room looks post-apocalyptic.  I can just imagine them feeding off each other during this period of exile.  “Hey, he’s tearing up that book so maybe I’ll jump on this piece of furniture.”  “He’s jumping on that piece of furniture so I’ll try hanging from the ceiling fan.”  And on and on it goes.

So in my not-so-professional opinion, twins are both unique and ordinary.  It’s impossible to deny that twins live somewhat exceptional lives in their early years.  I can honestly count on one hand the number times that my boys have been separated.  This has to play into their psycho-social development.  On the other hand, they are just two little fellas who shared a living space called mommy’s womb.  As time progresses, they will develop lives apart from each other and maybe then, they can escape from boxes.

Holy Cuteness, Batman!

Comments

[Jen]

Beautifully written, Lis!