A while back, I read an article from The New York Times that claimed "An excess of praise may be doing kids more harm than good." Citing a study of Korean and American children in eight grade, the article uses academic achievement as a gage to measure whether praise is effective. The Korean and American children in the study were asked to describe how well they performed in math class. 39% of the American kids said they were excellent at math compared to 6% of of the Koreans. However, the test scores showed that the Korean children scored much higher than their confident American counterparts. I was disheartened to learn that I might be doing my kids more harm than good by being so positive about their accomplishments.
When I had a chance to really think about it, I realized that to measure success in terms of test scores versus confidence levels is subjective. To me, the happiness of my kids is more important than a number on a piece of paper. Confident kids are happy kids, in my mind. I love to see the look of pride and glee in my kids eyes when I shout, "Hurray, you did it!!!" Further, when it comes right down to it, if you are to measure an effect in terms of achievement, often the most successful people are ones who believe in themselves, regardless of their IQ or education. There is A LOT to be said for bravado.
I felt somewhat vindicated when I read a recent article in Parents Magazine called, "Discipline for Softies." The crux of the article is that children respond best to positive reinforcement when being disciplined and that "praise works best when you give it with over-the-top enthusiasm." According to Alan E. Kazdin, President of the American Psychological Association, the only way to really "lock in" good behavior is to praise that behavior emphatically. Yea ... a big "Rah-Rah" for all of us cheerleader mom's!
One behavior that we'd been anxious to "lock in" with Sister was for her to sleep all night in her room. For 1-1/2 years, Nicole slept with Mommy and Daddy and while it was sweet to share our sleeping quarters with The Bug, as she approaches her 4th birthday, we were realizing that something had to be done about this. We bought her a new full-size bed with adorable bedding and crossed our fingers that this would be enticement for her to sleep on her own. We were expecting a MAJOR transition time (with tantrums and tears), but she actually did quite well right away and would stoically stayed in her bed until midnight or so when she would come down for a comfort check. Barton would take her back up to her bed and this pattern continued for a couple weeks. Then we decided to institute a star-system, which has worked like a charm. She earns one star for each night that she stays all night in her own bed. When she earns 3 stars in one week, she gets a reward (aka bribe.) From Night One of The Star Chart, Nicole has stayed in her bed all night. Gotta love BRIBES ... and PRAISE ... LOTS OF PRAISE!!!
The Bug, Fast Asleep in her Big Girl Bed ... Go Bug Go!!
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